Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
