When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk is a universal language darling
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
