im six kinds of drunk right now
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
