Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
