Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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