you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
