My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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