I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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