i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
