I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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