So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
