things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
