So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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