so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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