I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
