On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
