feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
