I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
