I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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