I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
