All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
