Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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