Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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