Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
