Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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