Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found the puke drawer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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