I cockslap morals
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
