I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
