It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
