what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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