When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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