I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
