I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
