Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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