I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
