i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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