Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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