Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
