he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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