I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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