Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
