Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
People in love make me want to vomit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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