3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
