I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
