if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
