so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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