Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
