I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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