that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
