can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
