So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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