just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
