You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
