Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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