Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
