what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
