I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
