Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
